We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive.

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15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
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a $15 gift card to Louis Vuitton

*buys a piece of dust floating in the air*

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You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.
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the doritos party size bag says it contains 16 servings but my heart says 1

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